In my work as a counsellor, I’ve heard a variation of this myth too many times to count: “I’m just too sensitive”, “I’ve always been too sensitive”.  When I hear this telltale phrase, I can’t help but smile.  These clients are my Kin, and I know two things immediately: I will come to adore the beautiful, sensitive and vulnerable soul sitting across from me, and I can help them.  Some present with anxiety or depression, most struggle with insomnia and a few have resorted to anger, alcohol or other substances to numb the discomfort.  But no matter how they come to arrive, things are about to transform if they are open to trying something radically different.

Sensitivity may seem like a curse to some, and like a double-edged sword to others.  There are books that suggest how to better cope as a Highly Sensitive Person that have tips on avoiding fluorescent lighting, strong perfumes, loud noises and large crowds.  These are things that rattle the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) indeed, particularly when we are drained physically, emotionally, socially and spiritually.  Being a run down, highly sensitive person in an overwhelming and chaotic situation can be a special sort of torture.

But I’m here to tell you that it is a blessing, an absolute gift that serves us from early childhood throughout the duration of our lives. It enhances our interactions with others and with the world around us. For one moment here, just think about all of the times that your heightened sensitivity has kept you safe, or salvaged a situation. How many people are fortunate enough to manage a situation after sensing even a slight shift in energy -before it escalates into a full-out crisis?  How many times have we been attuned to another, and able to recognize that something has just impacted them in a way that had not been intended? And outside of the relational realm, how many times have we experienced the sort of joy, peace and contentment that makes it seem as if our hearts may just explode in gratitude from something as simple as witnessing the sun rise?

The real question is how often are we as sensitive to our own needs, as we are the needs of those around us, or our jobs, responsibilities and other commitments? The common answer among the people that end up sitting across from me for support is “not often enough”. The beautiful thing here is that if we are capable of great compassion with others, then we are equally capable of cultivating that same level of compassion for ourselves. Let me repeat that, because it’s important: if we are capable of great compassion with others, then we are equally capable of cultivating that same level of compassion for ourselves.

 
Using a biopsychosocial/spiritual model, I can do a holistic assessment to discover which aspects of a person’s overall health they tend to well, and which have been neglected. In doing this assessment, another fundamental truth presents: we are born with everything we need to thrive as a human being.  As babies and children we instinctively knew the importance of living in the present moment, and did so with zest! And often, we used to engage in activities that kept our buckets full... but they gradually slipped away, and we forgot how much we loved them. I often refer to this knowing as our internal divine, or Buddha nature (with Buddha meaning “awakened one”).  The great news is that when someone comes in for counselling, the process of awakening has already begun, and that deep and intuitive knowing part of them has already nudged them forward to seek out growth and transformation. The goal in creating a Wellness Plan based on the holistic assessment is to restore balance, shake off the slumber and awaken from autopilot. The hope is that our tunnel vision might expand and we will feel our cups overflowing with gratitude and joy once again. And here is how to do it...

We have a long discussion and exploration of how you are tending to your physical health, mental/emotional health, social health, spiritual health and whether you feel there is any other aspect of your life that needs more care and attention. We collaboratively come up with a menu of suggestions for enhancing any of the above areas that may seem out of balance. I assign home practice and provide resources and materials for tending to these aspects of your wellness and we review progress over the following weeks. I practice what I promote as well. I start off my day with a ritual of meditation, smudging, yoga and reading. I constantly review my own journey and make adaptations whenever I recognize that there has been a shift in my own life that has left my own self-care unbalanced. My cup overflows and my life is deeply entrenched in abundance. I am no longer thrown off balance by storms in my own life and find that I remain steady and at peace in the midst of change. I value my own sensitivity and capacity to have compassion for others, even if their own struggling causes them to react in ways that are harsh or unkind. I see this suffering and recognize a sensitive soul that is temporarily out of balance... but even in witnessing this struggle I smile inwardly because I know that this too shall pass, as soon as the sacred and knowing inner-self decides it is time to create change.

Sending out sincere warmth and gratitude for your sensitive soul

-Kristen

The top four reasons that people come to see me for counselling are stress, anxiety, depression and grief. It has been said that anxiety is the result of focusing one's attention o the future, while depression is the natural result of dwelling on the past. Contentment and mental health exist only in the present moment. Mindfulness is the act of deliberately placing our attention on the present moment, as it is unfolding in a gentle and non-judgmental way. The benefits of Mindfulness on overall health and well-being are well documented, but I often have people look at me sideways when I ask if they would consider trying it out. 

Understandably, individuals experiencing a great deal of anxiety or panic are reluctant to take on any more items to place on the already overwhelming "to-do" list. Clients with depression want to have their sadness go away and are not very keen about the idea of focusing their attention towards the experience of depression (body aches, sad feelings, lack of energy). Similarly, the most common response to grief and loss is to try to escape the sorrow and pain in some manner.  Mindfulness is not about relaxation, or avoiding pain, and given our natural preference to seek out pleasure and side-step suffering, it might be hard to wrap one's mind around why it might be a good idea to just embrace the present experience in a curious way no matter how uncomfortable it may be. There is a paradox here in that while formal meditation practice helps us learn to live with discomfort, and to accept reality instead f fighting it, which ultimately decreases our distress response to the discomfort and allows us to cope in a more intentional and balanced way. 

Formal practice involves dedicating a certain amount of time to practice meditation on a regular basis. It has been suggested that daily 30-40 minute sits are most beneficial for creating lasting changes in our perception. Formal practice is not for the faint of heart! It IS WORK because it is training the brain to just notice what arises as we repeatedly harness our wandering thoughts and gently guide them back to the experience of the present moment. We are used to being reactive, to jumping up when we remember the milk was left out on the counter, or to adjust our bodies and stretch when we become aware of a twinge of tension. Formal meditation asks us to notice these thoughts, sensations and urges in a gentle and curious way, without moving to fix it, and then to return the attention to the breath. (Note- This is a generalization, formal practice is not always done sitting, the object of attention doesn't always have to be the breath, but this is the most common form of meditation used for "formal practice"). This is often what clients think I might be suggesting when we begin to explore how mindfulness might ultimately assist them in overcoming anxiety, stress, depression or grief. 

Thankfully, mindfulness can be brought to any activity in daily life. This intentional awareness and focus on the present moment while moving through one's activities and tasks in life is known as "informal practice". And this is a great place to start. This sort of attention to the experience of one's life can be done while noticing the comforting warmth of water while washing our hands, the way that our mouths water as we slice and smell a vegetable, the pleasure and release experienced while experiencing a massage, or the sense of relief one may feel while walking down a forest path and noticing the smells, sounds and sights of nature in a deliberate way. Being in the present moment has a profound ability to ground us, and it is actually quite natural for us to be mindful of the pleasant experiences in life. The tricky part is to remember to do it! Mindfulness practice does not need to be invasive or time-consuming in any way. It can be done at work, while driving, while walking, while talking or while eating. It can even be done while laying in bed listening to a guided meditation for sleep (see links on resources page).

The clients that do try these practices often report an overall reduction in stress and increase in their felt sense of well-being. They walk into the office with their shoulders relaxed and smile more easily. They begin to report joy in everyday happenings and sometimes describe things that used to seem ordinary or neutral as fascinating and joyful. This is what is known as embracing the Beginners Mind, we are all quite skilled at this as toddlers, babies and children, we just seem to temporarily forget how. Ultimately, my job as a counsellor is not to overload you with more to do, and formal meditation is not for everyone. However, a gentle exploration into learning how to remain present seems to cultivate change and ultimately, relief.  And I am more than happy to work with you to explore the things that work best for you.

If you take a DEEP BREATH HERE and pause for a moment to consider your thoughts, (ANOTHER DEEP BREATH)....  mind state, (BREATH)....  posture (BREATH)... and level of physical comfort... You can say that you just read this last paragraph mindfully, and you are already on your path to feeling better.

I'd love to hear from others what it has been like to bring mindful attention to some of the "ordinary" moments, activities or tasks in your life, and what you noticed. 

Feel free to comment and share openly Dear Ones!