The top four reasons that people come to see me for counselling are stress, anxiety, depression and grief. It has been said that anxiety is the result of focusing one's attention o the future, while depression is the natural result of dwelling on the past. Contentment and mental health exist only in the present moment. Mindfulness is the act of deliberately placing our attention on the present moment, as it is unfolding in a gentle and non-judgmental way. The benefits of Mindfulness on overall health and well-being are well documented, but I often have people look at me sideways when I ask if they would consider trying it out. 

Understandably, individuals experiencing a great deal of anxiety or panic are reluctant to take on any more items to place on the already overwhelming "to-do" list. Clients with depression want to have their sadness go away and are not very keen about the idea of focusing their attention towards the experience of depression (body aches, sad feelings, lack of energy). Similarly, the most common response to grief and loss is to try to escape the sorrow and pain in some manner.  Mindfulness is not about relaxation, or avoiding pain, and given our natural preference to seek out pleasure and side-step suffering, it might be hard to wrap one's mind around why it might be a good idea to just embrace the present experience in a curious way no matter how uncomfortable it may be. There is a paradox here in that while formal meditation practice helps us learn to live with discomfort, and to accept reality instead f fighting it, which ultimately decreases our distress response to the discomfort and allows us to cope in a more intentional and balanced way. 

Formal practice involves dedicating a certain amount of time to practice meditation on a regular basis. It has been suggested that daily 30-40 minute sits are most beneficial for creating lasting changes in our perception. Formal practice is not for the faint of heart! It IS WORK because it is training the brain to just notice what arises as we repeatedly harness our wandering thoughts and gently guide them back to the experience of the present moment. We are used to being reactive, to jumping up when we remember the milk was left out on the counter, or to adjust our bodies and stretch when we become aware of a twinge of tension. Formal meditation asks us to notice these thoughts, sensations and urges in a gentle and curious way, without moving to fix it, and then to return the attention to the breath. (Note- This is a generalization, formal practice is not always done sitting, the object of attention doesn't always have to be the breath, but this is the most common form of meditation used for "formal practice"). This is often what clients think I might be suggesting when we begin to explore how mindfulness might ultimately assist them in overcoming anxiety, stress, depression or grief. 

Thankfully, mindfulness can be brought to any activity in daily life. This intentional awareness and focus on the present moment while moving through one's activities and tasks in life is known as "informal practice". And this is a great place to start. This sort of attention to the experience of one's life can be done while noticing the comforting warmth of water while washing our hands, the way that our mouths water as we slice and smell a vegetable, the pleasure and release experienced while experiencing a massage, or the sense of relief one may feel while walking down a forest path and noticing the smells, sounds and sights of nature in a deliberate way. Being in the present moment has a profound ability to ground us, and it is actually quite natural for us to be mindful of the pleasant experiences in life. The tricky part is to remember to do it! Mindfulness practice does not need to be invasive or time-consuming in any way. It can be done at work, while driving, while walking, while talking or while eating. It can even be done while laying in bed listening to a guided meditation for sleep (see links on resources page).

The clients that do try these practices often report an overall reduction in stress and increase in their felt sense of well-being. They walk into the office with their shoulders relaxed and smile more easily. They begin to report joy in everyday happenings and sometimes describe things that used to seem ordinary or neutral as fascinating and joyful. This is what is known as embracing the Beginners Mind, we are all quite skilled at this as toddlers, babies and children, we just seem to temporarily forget how. Ultimately, my job as a counsellor is not to overload you with more to do, and formal meditation is not for everyone. However, a gentle exploration into learning how to remain present seems to cultivate change and ultimately, relief.  And I am more than happy to work with you to explore the things that work best for you.

If you take a DEEP BREATH HERE and pause for a moment to consider your thoughts, (ANOTHER DEEP BREATH)....  mind state, (BREATH)....  posture (BREATH)... and level of physical comfort... You can say that you just read this last paragraph mindfully, and you are already on your path to feeling better.

I'd love to hear from others what it has been like to bring mindful attention to some of the "ordinary" moments, activities or tasks in your life, and what you noticed. 

Feel free to comment and share openly Dear Ones!

I can’t think of a better way to start sharing with you than by posting a link to the first online article that captured my undivided attention and shook me out of a rut. This profound and inspirational read introduced me to Elephant Journal for the first time and my life has been forever enriched as a result. Why was I so impacted by this article? If I were to boil it down to one word it would be timing.

I stumbled upon this article on a day that my world had imploded. I had reached my upper limit for coping and no longer had the resources to “keep it together” given the mountain of tragedies that had aligned to create the perfect storm. This happens to all of us at some point. No matter how much we prepare, self-care, learn or practice, there will always be something that comes along that will take the wind out of our sails and leave us in a puddle on the ground. After having a good long cry on one such day, I reached to my computer for a distraction, and by some miracle, I noticed a friend had posted a link to an article called “Why Lying Broken in a Pile on Your Bedroom Floor is a Good Idea” by Julie (JC) Peters. Given that I had just peeled myself up off my bedroom floor, I felt that I was being sent a sign from the universe, yet I was still pessimistic that my mind would be changed about my current state of affairs as I clicked on the link. 

Her intro had my full attention “You know that feeling when you have just gone through a breakup, or lost your job, and everything is terrible and terrifying and you don’t know what to do, and you find yourself crying in a pile on your bedroom floor, barely able to remember how to use the phone, desperately looking for some sign of God in old letters, or your Facebook newsfeed or on Glee, finding nothing there to comfort you?”

Yes! I did know that feeling. And I was certainly not a fan. Would this article help me figure out a way back to being whole? I remember conflicting feelings of hope and doubt as I read on. I wasn’t sure there would be any solutions to ridding myself of the anxiety, grief, depression and fear that had enveloped me, but I had nothing to lose by reading on.

Peters went on to describe a Goddess named Akhilandeshvari from Hindu mythology, whose name (in Sanskrit) means “The Goddess of Never Not Broken”.  She explained:

“Akhilanda derives her power from being broken: in flux, pulling herself apart, living in different, constant selves at the same time, from never becoming a whole that has limitations.”

Power from being in a state of change? It was hard to wrap my mind around this. We all know that change is said to be the only constant in life, yet I didn’t think I was alone in my struggle to accept change when everything suddenly seems so unpredictable.  The illusion of control is suddenly shattered by unexpected events, and this is a scary place to be. I really didn’t know how to handle so much change in a graceful manner, as clearly indicated by my ragged post-cry breathing. As it turns out, Akhilanda had the answer:
 
“... now you get to make a choice. In pieces, in a pile on the floor, with no idea how to go forward, your expectations of the future are meaningless. Your stories about the past do not apply. You are in flux, you are changing, you are flowing in a new way, and this is an incredibly powerful opportunity to become new again: to choose how you want to put yourself back together.”

This is when a small seed was planted into my heart.  I started to see the freedom of starting over, of rebuilding my life, career, home and family in a fresh new way. I had an image in my mind of a blank canvas in front of me. I had lost most of the carefully arranged pieces that had been steadily leading me to a vision that no longer applied. But I still had some of the important pieces, and some new ones too. My suffering came from my attachment to that old vision, and from the grieving I needed to do in order to let go of it. But I began to notice a sliver of hope and even excitement at the thought of creating something new.

I knew I had more grieving to do and more fear to face before this transition would be over, but I was grateful to have been pulled out of my despair for long enough to realize that my life was not over, it was just going to be different. This is also the first time I even considered that this different life might be even better than anything I had previously imagined. These ideas transformed my mood from a state of “giving up” to a state of surrender and faith that more would be revealed and the possibilities were endless.

I took this final quote below and taped it to my mirror:

“So now is the time, this time of confusion and brokenness and fear and sadness, to get up on that fear, ride it down to the river, dip into the waves, and let yourself break. Become a prism. All the places where you’ve shattered can now reflect light and colour where there was none. Now is the time to become something new, to choose a new whole.”

This was a few years ago, and I am happy to report that my path has unfolded in front of me in a way that exceeds any and all expectations I had built before that day I found myself in a heap on the floor. I have come to believe that something greater than me will continue to guide me in directions that I never would have been open to following if I remained stuck in my desire to force a certain outcome. I am living life differently and although I still feel an uncomfortable surge of fear before I leap, I take risks and make difficult choices to get un-stuck when I realize I am falling into unhealthy routines. I don’t always know where this will take me, but I am looking forward to the journey. I also take comfort in the fact that if I take a wrong turn, I can always make another change.

To read the original article, click here

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